Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I Will Share With You What I Know

Today is Tuesday, February 8, 2011. The last few weeks seem to have passed so rapidly, and at the same time just stood still in some kind of fog. Second guessing myself as to what has really happened or has talked about happening.

On Friday, January 21, 2011 I went to the ER, I was having a very hard time breathing. They took me to the back right away and there to answer a lot of questions. This is a teaching hospital, which is a good thing in my opinion. So after about an hour, a lady comes to get me for a CT scan. I didn't care for this, I had a horrible time trying to breathe while laying flat and this required me to lay flat. Not for a long time, but long enough to scare me to death. Back to the ER room I went, George and I sat waiting.

After what seemed maybe an hour or so, here come the Doctor that ordered the CT. I was told that I have cancer and he was going to find out where to send me to have this taken care of. A few hours later, he came back to let us know that I would be going to Shands in Gainesville. This is wonderful a terrific teaching hospital.

I arrived by way of ambulance there in the very early morning hours. Once there I was told that I would be having an emergency "awake trach". This mass had taken up 60% of my airway. Things seemed to be moving very quickly at this point and the next thing that I really remember is the sleep doc telling me that he was going to start giving me my drug.

I woke up, not sure where I was, but George was there and I wanted to know where my wedding rings were? The nurse was supposed to give them to George. So off he went to get my rings. Within what seemed like minutes, he returned with my rings and all was good.

I don't know how many days or nights for that matter, but I do remember mama coming into my room. She looked bad, really bad. I was trying to write notes to her, I could no longer talk, at least the way that I knew how to do. She was so cute, she started writing notes back to me. Mama I can hear, I just can't speak. She smiled and I let her know that everything was going to be good again. The hardest was to watch my children walk into that room one by one. I know it was scary thing for all of them, but things are going to be okay, maybe not the normal that we are use to in this family, but we are going to be just fine.

Years ago we had a family that had a deaf child, so we had taken some less than advanced sign language classes, years ago. Of all of the signs that my children remembered, I love you. Each and everyone of them gave me this sign as them came into the room.

The next few weeks are going to be eating loads of protein and trying to gain weight. Thinking back a few weeks ago I was trying to lose weight thinking that maybe weight was the reason for not being able to breathe. I will be getting my body ready for a new journey, eating the proteins to help speed the healing the weight to help with the radiation and losing weight. Off to try to get me a little nap before the rest of the house gets up, a little tired been a long night.

Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today. ~Brightest Blessings~


  1. Oh my stars, Dede!!! I was aware that you hadn't been around here much, but knowing that you are always a busy, busy gal, assumed that you were doing hopefully fun, if not, necessary things to keep your family going.

    I'm sending you tons of Good, Positive, Healing Energies, lots of love, and gentle hugs. I wish that we lived closer so that I could actually come and help do things that needed doing, and pamper you a lot.

    Know that I'm carrying you around in my thoughts and heart, winging a quick and complete recovery your way.

  2. Dede ... I don't know what to say ... except my prayers and spirit are with you ...

  3. Dede, I have been thinking of you for days, and I was hoping that you were just busy. Well, you have been busy, but not in a fun way. You are such a trooper. I am sending you love and hugs and healing. I'm with Suzie, I wish I was closer so I could come by and help out. Love to you all, and you all hang in there! xoxoxox!!! Pam

  4. Dede, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! ♥

  5. Oh, Dede, I had know idea. I thought you were busy with your projects. Prayers and healing energies are coming your way. (((Hugs)))) Dear friend, know that I am here for you.

  6. Dede, sending you lots of love, light & blessings! I've been thinking of you too and wondering how you've been. I'm with Suzie & Pam I really wish we lived closer. Giant hugs xoxo! Becca

  7. Oh hon...just got your email...I have been so worried. I am sending reiki, prayers and healing energy your way!! I am here for whatever you need hon!! Huge gentle hugs and love, Sarah

  8. Ohhhhhh my Dear!!!!!! Such a catch-up post.

    Please keep up the wonderful positive attitude. And do all the things, you are advised to do.

    And don't try to rush. Rest, rest, rest, is certainly in order. But your docs will have given you all your "orders."

    Many, many gentle hugs to you...

  9. So many healing thoughts and much energy coming your way Dede. I'm glad the mass is gone - now onto the healing!

    Make sure everyone helps out - you need to rest and regain your strength. Hugs and love to you!

  10. Hey Dede
    My arms are around you holding you tight. I'm sending you prayers and love. Dede I wish I was there to help you. But just remember I love you and Big Hugs!!
    From the crazy lady.LOL

  11. Dede,
    I am sending you good healing thoughts.
    A big hug,

  12. Oh Dede I had no idea until I read the notice Sarah put up on MHA. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you and your wonderful hubby and family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you lots of healing energy and love.

  13. Hey Dede, a great big hug to you! Clear your mind of all else, and heal! Surround yourself with white light and know! Just change every cell in your body, and know! There's that knowing again. Be well,


  14. Dede, I was wondering where you were of late. My friend Peggy had the same cancer and let me tell you after the chemo and radiation treatments, she has now been cancer free for 4 years now! So there is some sunshine for you! She went the other day for an x-ray because she was having a problem with breathing again, the tech turned out to be the same one that found her cancer and hugged Peggy and cried she said she thought for sure she wasn't going to make it more than 2 months and all this time later she is cancer free and has ashma.
    Blessings dearest friend I am praying for you, love and hugs,

  15. Infinate love and gratitude dear one.
    That sign you know, I love you, is a powerful mudra. Hold your hand in that sign and up to your throat while saying infinite love and gratitude.
    Know I am doing the same thing for you everyday and am inlisting prayer goddesses in your favor everyday.
    Love and huge healing hugs for you sweet one!
    Blessings all over you!

  16. Oh DeDe.. I knew there was a reason you have been on my mind lately, I love you and your spirit. Prayers are going up for you.

  17. Dede,

    I pray I can be as strong and as noble as you in the face of adversity.

    I wish you all the love and light I can, and will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Your family is lucky to have someone so enlightened as you. I wish you and them the best.


  18. This is my wish for you my friend, Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm you!!

  19. I am so sorry you have been going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that you recover quickly.

  20. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Sending you best wishes for wellness and goodness, and that you be surrounded by people who love you while you recover.

  21. Dede, goodness girl you've been through it havent you? You sure didnt deserve all of this! I had some extensive surgeries years ago and it can be traumatic to say the least. You may have some strange dreams they help in working things out in your mind. I am glad you have that much behind you. Take care of yourself! You have a wonderful attitude! Your sweetness and goodness and positive attitude will bring you through!

  22. Sending you prayers for lots of healing and positive things to come your way :)

  23. I'm so sorry to hear about the illness. Sending you blessings and healing your way.

  24. Hey DeeDee, I just wrote in my blog and clicked on ours. What's going on with you?
    I feel so bad that I didn't know about your cancer and surgery. I hope and pray your are okay and free from any bad cells remaining.
    It seems we just lost contact with each other. I think of you often.
    Please write me a email when you feel up to it.
    I'd love to hear from you.
    God bless you sweet friend. My prayers are with you.

  25. My dear sweet friend, I will be sending you and your family Love, Light and Healing Energy, and prayers for strength... I'm a attaching a small prayer that has helped me to get through some dark times and hope that it helps you too.

    Goddess, make me brave for life: oh, braver than this.
    Let me straighten after pain, as a tree straightens after the rain,
    Shining and lovely again.
    Goddess, make me brave for life; much braver than this.
    As the blown grass lifts, let me rise
    From sorrow with quiet eyes,
    Knowing Thy way is wise.
    Goddess, make me brave, life brings
    Such blinding things.

    Help me to keep my sight;

    Help me to see aright
    That out of dark comes light.


  26. DeDe....I have been the worst friend ever...and I am sorry you can kick me with those wonderful sandals and pink toenails...DeDe Im here front and center woman, lets kick some cancer ass babe...I am here and not leaving ur side again. I love you woman....and I know u didnt tell me cuz u didnt want me to be upset but its ok I would have done the same thing...Dede Im reaching across the gulf and hugging you. I emailed you and now realize also why Renee was in my dreams last week....Im here with love and positivity and every healing spell coming your way....Love you DeDe

  27. Dede, I keep you in my thoughts and send you ALL positive energy for healing and keeping your arms wide open for the beautiful things this world has to give us.
    Barb/ mermaidfairy

  28. You are in my thoughts! Sending you lots of love and healing energy! Stay positive!
    Blessing, Cyndi

  29. Hi Dede! I'm just stopping by to tell you that you are in all my prayers this week. I'm sending you lots of good vibes and healing energy! You're a tough lady, and strong as can be, and you will be fine. xoxoxoxoxo!!


It was nice of you to take time out of your busy day to stop by. Blessings to you and your family! (((HUGS)))