Today is Tuesday, February 8, 2011. The last few weeks seem to have passed so rapidly, and at the same time just stood still in some kind of fog. Second guessing myself as to what has really happened or has talked about happening.
On Friday, January 21, 2011 I went to the ER, I was having a very hard time breathing. They took me to the back right away and there to answer a lot of questions. This is a teaching hospital, which is a good thing in my opinion. So after about an hour, a lady comes to get me for a CT scan. I didn't care for this, I had a horrible time trying to breathe while laying flat and this required me to lay flat. Not for a long time, but long enough to scare me to death. Back to the ER room I went, George and I sat waiting.
After what seemed maybe an hour or so, here come the Doctor that ordered the CT. I was told that I have cancer and he was going to find out where to send me to have this taken care of. A few hours later, he came back to let us know that I would be going to Shands in Gainesville. This is wonderful a terrific teaching hospital.
I arrived by way of ambulance there in the very early morning hours. Once there I was told that I would be having an emergency "awake trach". This mass had taken up 60% of my airway. Things seemed to be moving very quickly at this point and the next thing that I really remember is the sleep doc telling me that he was going to start giving me my drug.
I woke up, not sure where I was, but George was there and I wanted to know where my wedding rings were? The nurse was supposed to give them to George. So off he went to get my rings. Within what seemed like minutes, he returned with my rings and all was good.
I don't know how many days or nights for that matter, but I do remember mama coming into my room. She looked bad, really bad. I was trying to write notes to her, I could no longer talk, at least the way that I knew how to do. She was so cute, she started writing notes back to me. Mama I can hear, I just can't speak. She smiled and I let her know that everything was going to be good again. The hardest was to watch my children walk into that room one by one. I know it was scary thing for all of them, but things are going to be okay, maybe not the normal that we are use to in this family, but we are going to be just fine.
Years ago we had a family that had a deaf child, so we had taken some less than advanced sign language classes, years ago. Of all of the signs that my children remembered, I love you. Each and everyone of them gave me this sign as them came into the room.
The next few weeks are going to be eating loads of protein and trying to gain weight. Thinking back a few weeks ago I was trying to lose weight thinking that maybe weight was the reason for not being able to breathe. I will be getting my body ready for a new journey, eating the proteins to help speed the healing the weight to help with the radiation and losing weight. Off to try to get me a little nap before the rest of the house gets up, a little tired been a long night.
Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today. ~Brightest Blessings~